I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
