I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
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Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
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The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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