Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
