I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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