I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
