insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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