Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
