The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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