I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
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