okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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