Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
