I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
