okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
