at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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