Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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