I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
