I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Randomize
