Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize