We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
