Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
