woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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