So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
