i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
