mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
