Her vagina should come with caution tape.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
It was like getting head from an anaconda
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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