You made me cry and you don't even care
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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