I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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