My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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