whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
