He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
