How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
