Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
