New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
