We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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