would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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