Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
my being single is dangerous.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
