smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Randomize
