I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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