I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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