I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
found the other keg... it's in the tree
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
