When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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