and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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