I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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