If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
