I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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