Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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