dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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