My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
