just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize