All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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