Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
