Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
