We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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