Yo dont text me then not text me
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
