just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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