I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
thus making me awesome and them whores
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
