I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize