trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
