oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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