please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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