When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
