I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
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