those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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