I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
