this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
