it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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