There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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